Sitting By The Still Water
Where I grew up, there was a small creek in our backyard. When we were young, my sister and I would spend summer afternoons churning up the water, making it murky and brown, by running through it, throwing rocks and chasing crayfish. By evening, when I would wander back to the creek, I would discover that the water had settled back to crystal clear and I could see straight to the bottom.
My life up until I declared a sabbatical retreat for myself was made murky by the churning of obligations and commitments. Since starting my sabbatical, I have been saying no to any new requests and only doing what needs to be done on the others. I have been journaling more, taking longer walks and listening to what my life is saying to me. My water has settled with debris floating away and only those things which are truly important remaining. I have to admit – this crystal clear view of my life is making me pretty uncomfortable.
I am sitting now with the heavy presence of grief as my father’s illness progresses. Midlife has taken up residence in my home as I count my gray hairs and the days to my daughter’s departure for college. Loneliness has leaked in as I realize that I have few true confidants and I hunger for female companionship (a common complaint of pastors’ wives, of which I am one). Right about now, churning up the water again with lots of commitments sounds pretty good compared to the pain these emotions are causing.
But this is the point of my sabbatical. To sit with these feelings, explore them and find my way to the new normal that these transitions will force. It would be easy to refill my calendar with lots of “things” or numb the pain with retail therapy, food, wine, you name it. I am choosing to feel the emotions, shed tears when needed and understand that suffering and love can coexist and, in fact, that is the only honest way to experience life. I am listening to what my life is saying and it is telling me to stay by the still water because within its current I will find the my path.
Retreat Coach Linda Potter | Retreat Coaches Network
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Linda, So many of us use busyness to avoid working through feelings, challenges and aging/ill parents. I admire the courage to take a retreat for you that can support your changing season. Bless you–and thank you for showing us a new path! Hugs, Lee
Lee Miller´s last post ..The Love Letters Project
When you talk about being the wife of a minister…it reminds me of the many women who come on retreat with me that have high profile lives, live very out there in the community with their lives in the spotlight, or have partners that are leaders. It makes for a difficult lifestyle often and one where a person must be so selective over what they say to whom and ultimately who can they trust to be authentic with. Your commitment to Self-Care and honest reflection is powerful and refreshing Linda and will ultimately serve your life and your soul well. At the end, you have to be ok with you and your honesty will allow for that. Keep being real. Coach Helene
Hello Linda … it is moving to me to read how your sabbatical and water have come together like this to create an image that allows you to visualize what change would look like. How life shifts from muddy to clear in cycles, settling out when we allow that. Both are topics very close to my own heart and quest. On the opening page of my website exploring the potential for a new spa culture, I wrote:
Water as an indicator of health and also a tool for health, is central to the spa-retreat offering. Water, as a metaphor, provides many insights into human behavior and human potential, as the Taoists knew well. Water and humans need to be free and to have depth and clarity to thrive.
Sara Firman (Sulis)´s last post ..Intentional Spa- a vision to hold in 2011
Your words so resonated with me!! Thank you for giving permission to be still, feel and absorb our inner beings!! I am in essence on a sabbatical (without realizing that is what I am doing). My husband and I sold our house and most of it’s contents, he retired and we hit the road for a year!! We spent the first six months caring for my father whose illness was far more progressed than he had shared. He crossed over this past December and now my husband and I are traveling the west- visiting family/friends and skiing. I experienced the empty nest with my youngest graduating college and I will turn 50 this year!! It’s been unsettling for me and I realize I need to just be, feel all the emotions, be grateful for where I am and begin to heal and refocus. Thank you for your heartfelt words!!
Anne